Stephanie Amis

As we were watching the second clip to “Meet the Patels”, something stood out to me. Even though, the American culture is different from the Indian culture, there’s a universal feeling of pressure when it comes to starting a family. Its like we are programmed from childhood to make it a life purpose to marry & procreate. And this feeling never really goes away in adulthood.

The guy in the clip said some profound words. He said along the lines of him wondering if he will meet his future wife to have a family or die alone. As I get older, I’ve noticed this pressure inside me to find the mate I will marry. It’s almost feels like in a couple more years, it will be more of a feeling of urgency than just pressure. Where does this come from? Are we born to develop these feelings in adulthood or is it learnt?

I feel like we are bombarded with images of marriage and family constantly. So often that we get so caught up in this idea that we can find the one instead of letting it happen organically. We begin to force and manipulate situations because society tells us that time is ticking and if we don’t take things into our own hands then we will die alone. I guess there’s no right way to find love as long as the end result is love. But it makes me wonder, how many people went on “searches for love” to only find themselves wishing that they have waited?

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2 Responses to Stephanie Amis

  1. Kristin says:

    Yes, there is pressure from so many angles to “settle down.” It seems that the families of my peers are growing more patient, but perhaps my peers are not? And in addition, there are logistical pressures, especially if you are already independent but seeking a spouse. Pressures like these: http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/03/23/fashion/weddings/marriage-questions.html?action=click&contentCollection=Weddings&module=RelatedCoverage&region=EndOfArticle&pgtype=article
    Something that stood out to me in the documentary as a form of familial pressure was a comment made by an older female Patel relative. It was something like, “I need a wedding! I might die soon!” As if her happiness hinges on seeing her family pair off. Maybe it does! And if there’s a cultural tradition to take care of elders, is that one way to do it? I can’t envision marrying to please the family occurring without some complications. In in Ravi’s case, the opposite is also true.

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  2. Lili Zou says:

    I agree with you that so many people have this pressure whether it’s from society or family or even from the self. I’m not sure about other cultures and societies but from the Asian culture, parents rush and wish for their children to be married as soon as possible. Even my parents who are seemly open and really don’t interfere with any of our decisions, would casually mention to my older sister “when are you going to settle down?” I’m 20 years old and of course they don’t tell me or ask me about marriage but they do mention find the right guy now, go date a couple years and get married. It’s as if the older you are the less your value is. And what I’ve realized is that in many cultures marriage isn’t about connecting two families but more of pleasing one. In the case of the guy in the clip, not only is it about pressure from family but also from himself.

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